FIRST WORLD BEAUTY PROBLEMS
‘In a world where millions die of hunger and for want of basic necessities, some of us more fortunate ones have smaller problems. In today’s list, we look at some first world beauty problems that you can do without.’
Let’s be honest. If we’re living in the first world – and yes, that means you, Australia – chances are that your ‘problems’ are actually luxuries to most of the people that live in other, poorer countries. Do you feel like complaining about that greasy sandwich in your lunchbox? Try thinking of it from the point of view of someone who has had nothing to eat the whole week. You think traffic in your city is bad? Make the journey to a place like Bangalore and then see if you feel right in your head whining about it.
Problems don’t get more ‘first worldly’ than when they happen in the beauty department. How often have you agonised over the shade of your eyeliner or the shape of your fingernails? Today, we have a list of problems that you only think you have.
1. A broken nail
Remember how that one time, when your fingernails were all meticulously shaped and tended to, and polished, and then suddenly you scrape your hand against something rough and poof! The nail is broken. Not just broken so that you can mend it, but broken and fallen off. Hurricane Katrina can wait. This is a true disaster of epic proportions.
2. Committing to a diet – and being invited to a birthday party
That’s just how the universe works. If you embark on a diet, it will do everything in its power to shove into your face all kinds of fatty and oily foods that you cannot possibly eat in this lifetime. You wake up one morning and make a strong resolution to stick to your diet and lose those last few pounds of weight. What is the first thing that happens? You get an invitation to a birthday party which has cake and chocolates all over the place. There. Good luck dealing with that.
3. High Heels
If there is another beauty accessory that ties people up in knots more than high heels, we’d like to know what it is. High heels look so damn good that we have to wear them, and yet after wearing them for a while, those dastardly things start to itch and sting at the ankles. If only God could visit us and ask us for a wish, we could all wish for high heels that we can wear for hours and hours without feeling the pinch. If only!
4. Committing to saving money – on the day before a big sale
Remember what the universe does? It just exists to thwart your humble aspirations. If you commit to saving money and spending less, you can rest assured that on the very next day, you will see a ridiculously good sale selling all the good stuff that you’ve been wanting forever.
5. Putting on a lipstick without a mirror
You just know that your lipstick is smudged. You can feel it. You’re itching to fix it, re-apply it, make sure your lips look good again. But you don’t have a mirror. And only someone who has been stuck in that situation would know how disastrous this is. We sympathise.